You're Not Broken
by DragonofFernweh
Summary: Sasuke has heard it all. Every sharp comment, from those that think they can change his sexuality to those that loathe him for it. There are people that think they know Sasuke's sexuality better than he does. Yet, the only opinion Sasuke really cares about is Naruto's. Now Sasuke has to swallow that terror and come out to him. Sasuke is asexual, and there is nothing wrong with him.


_Most sexual orientations wait for someone to make the pits of their stomachs burst with flame. Asexuals wait for someone to make flowers grow from their hearts._

ღ

* * *

At the age of eight, Sasuke began to realize he was different; and, at the age of twelve, _other_ _people_ began to realize he was different. Different doesn't necessarily denote wrong, but when a person is confused or can't empathize and relate with something, they might begin to believe it's a fault of the other. A flaw in design that separates this person from what the rest of society would deem as normal. Thus, when a concept that is so popular and important to the majority of the world isn't shared by everyone, well…it's seen as taboo. It's almost unheard of! People's jaws drop when someone states that they have no interest in sex.

A person that doesn't experience sexual attraction must be a malfunction. People try to find reason behind this, as if it's their duty to find an answer to something that isn't a problem at all. They question if something could be wrong with this person, whether there's an imbalance or illness at play; or if perhaps trauma might be the cause. They throw accusations or bitter attempts at help left and right.

"Oh, you just haven't met the right person yet!"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Are you broken?"

"Maybe you should just, you know, try?"

Sasuke has heard it all. Even now, at the age of eighteen, he is so attacked and disbelieved by most that he still finds himself questioning everything. That perhaps there really is something wrong with him, or that nothing is wrong at all and he should get over it and get on it with having sex like everyone seems obsessed with. Why are they so concerned with who is having sex and who isn't, anyway?

Uchiha Sasuke is asexual. And there isn't a god damn thing wrong with him.

* * *

The _tik tak_ of a pen tapping on a desk mingled with the hushed chatter of students waiting for the class to end. The teacher herself was equally as thankful when the clock turned to two, and she could dismiss them all away. Probably so she could go home to down a bottle of wine and grade their exams. Collectedly, Sasuke packed his bag up and swung it up onto his shoulder; his life lacked structure in most places, but at least he had kept organization of the few things he could. The occasional glances were spared towards the teenaged Uchiha, ones he was used to but definitely didn't appreciate. People acted like the act of "coming out" only applied to homosexuality; as if it was safe for everyone else. It was far from.

Sasuke wasn't out to everyone. In fact, not many people knew his sexuality at all; he didn't see the need for sharing. A few of his friends in college had prodded it out of Sasuke, when they had been forcefully attempting to hook him up with a few of their female friends. The last of Sasuke's nerves had been ground to dust and he had snapped, explaining he had no sexual interest in the girls, or anyone else for that matter. The words had the effect of tossing acid onto them; they reacted with an almost disgusted bewilderment. After all, such crude thoughts had occupied the minds of young teens for ages. They considered it natural, and for Sasuke to go against these urges…well, they deemed him _unnatural_.

It had gone so far that some of Sasuke's friends had taken to scouring the city for "just the right person" for Sasuke to meet. As they put it, to "try out" and see if he liked them. It was nearly nauseating, how desperate everyone was to prove Sasuke wrong, to tell him he didn't understand his own sexuality. How many years had the boy spent, terrified he was crazy? That he was going to be put through therapy, or forced to undergo tests, all because he felt wired differently? Why was it so incomprehensible that some people simply didn't experience sexual attraction? Hell, some people were repulsed by the act of sex itself, though asexuality didn't really affect one's sex drive. Sasuke had read that some asexuals were capable of and did have sex, but he wasn't one. It was an abhorrent and nearly frightening thought.

It made his pulse race just considering sex; which he had, many times over. When he thought he was in fact made wrong and should just have sex regardless of his feelings and lack of interest. To the rest of the world, sex equaled love, and if you didn't have sex with someone then you couldn't possibly love them. This was an ideal shoved down Sasuke's throat ever since he had first brought up his aversion towards sex, before he'd even stumbled upon the definition of asexuality. He'd been taught in a deafening repetitiveness that no one was going to want him if he didn't give in to their sexual needs. How could he ever hope to keep someone if he didn't want to sleep with them? It was so doubted that love could exist without sex that people constantly questioned whether Sasuke's love would be real.

Especially considering so many assumed that asexuals were unable to feel romantic interest. Again, Sasuke had to wonder why sex and love were tied with the same string. This created a scalding anxiety that constantly seemed to burn in the pits of Sasuke's lungs. It was why he was so hesitant at building a relationship. For a part of his adolescence Sasuke even felt that he was lying to himself in having any sort of romantic interest in someone; perhaps he truly was meant to be alone. It was a struggle coming to terms with himself and his sexuality, and in all honesty, there were days it was still troubling. Coming to terms with something when there was so little acceptance and understanding in the world was never easy. Yet, despite the issues Sasuke had with himself, he had stumbled into a relationship that was really less spontaneous than it felt. It was with his best friend.

Sasuke and Naruto had met as young children, though they were from different countries. Their mothers were best friends; Naruto's mother, Kushina, had been a foreign exchange student from Australia that had come to Japan to finish her last year of high school. While here, she met Sasuke's mother, Mikoto, and the two women grew to be quite close. They wrote to each other often and visited when possible in later years; of course making Sasuke and Naruto childhood playmates. Naruto had made the move to Japan when he turned eighteen, both to be with Sasuke and to pursue his desire to teach English to Japanese students. The two had been sixteen when they awkwardly tried to pad around the budding crush between them, and they had been seventeen when Sasuke brazenly -and drunkenly- addressed the obvious.

Things had progressed slowly, greatly due to Sasuke's own fears with romance. Fortunately, Naruto was a patient person and more than willing to go at the pace Sasuke was comfortable with. That only made the guilt burdening Sasuke even worse. He'd never breathed a hint of his sexuality to Naruto. Sasuke had been fighting to keep it a secret from those closest to him in fear it would change how they felt towards him; he couldn't do that anymore. It was lying to Naruto, and that was not something the blond deserved. He deserved so much more than that…so much more than what Sasuke could give him.

"How long are you gonna keep leading him on?" The words almost felt a part of the daydream Sasuke was in, until he realized someone was beside him. The Uchiha paused and glanced sideways at the culprit. Kiba was a boy Sasuke had known since his first years of school, the brunet was also someone who had befriended Naruto and had grown fairly close with him. Kiba wasn't someone that cared enough to leave Sasuke alone, and he definitely didn't believe asexuality was real. To Kiba, it was an extreme case of being a prude-ass.

"I wasn't aware you were a part of our relationship, Inuzuka." Sasuke remarked coldly. He didn't feel like trying to defend himself today. His head was pounding and heart was racing as it was. The hostility earned a scoff from Kiba, who didn't appear to be in any better a mood.

"I'm just trying to help a friend out. Either you get over your selfishness or he'll leave you, anyway. Ain't nobody wants to be with someone that won't put out." Kiba spat out his gum onto the concrete before stalking away, his shoulders hunched in annoyance.

Selfishness? Was Sasuke really being selfish? Dark eyebrows furrowed as Sasuke scowled at the ground. Who the hell measured someone's worth by sex, anyway? A shaky breath was exhaled into the wind, and Sasuke decided it would be best to simply head home instead of look for trouble. Or, at least, wait for trouble to find him.

How could Sasuke ever piece together why people thought something was so wrong with him? He wasn't even sure he truly wanted to, perhaps some things were better left unknown. Weary eyes glanced over his shoulder when Sasuke walked up the stairs to the apartment he shared with Naruto. Some part of him was always going to be paranoid; the amount of threats and malicious comments made to him about his sexuality would always hang over Sasuke's head.

The school bag was dropped to the ground, but it relieved none of the weight on Sasuke's shoulders. He trudged into the bedroom and sat on the bed with an overwhelmed sigh, his fingers digging into his temples as if that would alleviate the oncoming migraine. It was killing him, keeping this secret from the one person that mattered most. It didn't matter what the rest of them thought, only Naruto's opinion mattered. But what if he shared the same, disgusted take on asexuality? What if Sasuke's safe place was taken from him?

The turmoil clawed at Sasuke's stomach, spreading through his blood. His shoulders started shaking and he wondered for a brief moment if he was collapsing under the weight that rested on them. There was no way he could bear seeing that hatred in Naruto's eyes; that same malevolence aimed so readily towards Sasuke, all for something he couldn't control. What if he disappointed Naruto, or made him angry? Could Sasuke force himself through sex if it made his boyfriend happy?

Nausea crawled up the back of Sasuke's throat, crushing that thought instantly.

Words had vacated Sasuke's mind completely, and he knew any hope of eloquence had been shot. He would have to pray that he had enough coherency to even say what he needed to. This secret had to come out, before it combusted and hurt them both. Naruto deserved better than that, and if he wanted to find someone else that could satisfy all of his needs where Sasuke had failed, then Sasuke wouldn't blame him. No matter how much it hurt. All the raven wanted was for Naruto to be happy, and Sasuke just wasn't sure he could give that.

The door to the apartment opened, and in that quiet sound Sasuke found oxygen had escaped his lungs entirely, suffocated by the vice grip of anxiety. Sasuke lifted his head when he heard footsteps padding towards the room.

Doubts began to circulate. Could Sasuke really do this?

"Oi, teme, you're home awful early! There a reason you dropped your bag right in front of the door? Almost killed myself walkin' in." Naruto's voice was always thick with his accent, and it seemed to carry the warmth of the land he was from. It never failed to send a shiver down Sasuke's back. God, he sounded like a love-struck idiot. Naruto appeared in the doorway and leaned his shoulder on the side of it with a blond brow raised at Sasuke, who looked much like a deer caught in headlights. "What's wrong? Sasuke?" Blue eyes narrowed with concern when he noticed the way Sasuke's hands trembled, clearly upset. In a beat, Naruto was on the bed beside Sasuke, gentle hand reaching for Sasuke's own.

As much as Sasuke enjoyed the comfort of Naruto's presence, he pulled away from the touch. He couldn't stomach it right now. All he saw in his head was Naruto jerking away in revulsion once he found out the truth. Without looking up, Sasuke hesitantly began to talk. "I need to tell you something." The explanation was terse, but it was all that was really needed.

Naruto cocked his head slightly, his expression darkening in worry. Sasuke had never really been all cuddly and open, but he wasn't usually this shut-off either. Not to Naruto! The blond withdrew his hand when Sasuke silently requested his space. As much as he wanted to reassure his boyfriend, Naruto knew it wouldn't help Sasuke if his needs were disrespected. "What is it? Is it really that serious?"

Sasuke could have laughed. Or cried, really. Maybe a mixture of both when it came down to it. He wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes. It wouldn't protect him, Sasuke knew this, but he wanted to avoid seeing the horror on Naruto's face. The look Sasuke had seen countless times. Much to Sasuke's aversion, tears began to burn at his eyes. "I—I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner." Sasuke whispered, bitterly wishing he could grab back some of that damned acuity he normally retained so well. There was no going back, now. He might as well wrench the words out of the crevice of his subconscious where they had lurked. The tears started to slide down his cheeks, glistening in the faint sunlight.

" _I'm asexual."_

The words left Sasuke in a hurry. Choked out in a breathless, almost pained voice that resembled that of someone pleading. The tears wouldn't stop, now, nor would Sasuke dare open his eyes to face the love of his life staring at him like he was an abomination. The seconds of silence chipped away at the already fragile glass surrounding Sasuke's heart. Too much, it had been too much for too long.

A startled gasp escaped Sasuke when he was pulled forward, strong arms surrounding him in an embrace so tight he couldn't have gotten away if he tried. Eyes wide and damp with tears, Sasuke's focus centered in on Naruto's heartbeat from where his face was pressed to the blond's chest. Slender fingers clutched Naruto's arms, as if they were a lifeline. "Hey, ssh—it's okay. You're okay." Naruto murmured, holding Sasuke as close to him as he could.

"I'm sorry," Sasuke wasn't sure why those words felt so necessary, but he couldn't swallow the guilt that seemed so inherent. Naruto felt his chest clench. Had Sasuke been beating himself up over this all this time? Naruto couldn't believe Sasuke thought he had to hide this.

"You have nothing to be sorry about! I love you. I'll always love you! Your sexuality is just you. It doesn't change how much I love you!" Naruto soothed his fingers through Sasuke's hair.

A shuddering breath was taken into cracked lungs as Sasuke struggled to take in Naruto's words. "You aren't mad?" Sasuke questioned unsteadily. Never did he think Naruto would be this accepting, that he would still love Sasuke despite his sexuality.

"Sasuke, look at me." Naruto's hands cupped Sasuke's face and coaxed him to look up; gently, he used his thumbs to wipe away the tears staining Sasuke's cheeks. "Mad? Why? There's nothing to be mad about. This is who you are! There's absolutely nothing wrong with that." It was unfathomable to Naruto to be angry with Sasuke.

The words were so simple, yet starkly heartfelt. They were something Sasuke had never heard despite desperately needing to. The Uchiha buried his face against Naruto's shoulder, finally reciprocating the hug by wrapping his arms tightly around Naruto's shoulders.

For once, there was no devastating fire raging inside of Sasuke. Instead it was more like it had been tamed into beams of sunlight, ready to grow and nurture something new. Something better. Sasuke didn't need people like Kiba, people like those who ridiculed him. Naruto loved Sasuke.

 _ **All**_ of him.

* * *

 **AUTHORESS NOTE:**

 **Hey guys! It's been a little while, huh? Apologies, I've been struggling with writing lately and questioning whether it's something I really want to do or not. Yet here I am, still kicking. I probably will never fully give it up, I just go through periods of loathing it. Also, I really hope this shows up okay. Paragraphs and sentenced would vanish as I was writing and editing and I would go back and wonder what the hell happened to them? I'm praying they don't all suddenly show up again during posting, and I'm also hoping I didn't miss a patch where things erase themselves. Truly not sure what I did wrong, but obviously I was messing something up.**

 **Asexuality needs much more attention and awareness than it receives. People are always going to act ignorant and spiteful towards asexuals, otherwise. They need awareness, they need to hear and learn about it so that they don't spend years suffering in confusion, loneliness and self-loathing because they think they're the only ones feeling this way.**

 **Also? Totally cried when Sasuke came out to Naruto? Not even gonna lie, tears all up in my keyboard tonight.**


End file.
